Draft_ 5th March

Start_5/3/13_1819

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

It has been quite a long time since I posted any news or stories (or should I say ramblings) here ey?  Ever since the last post, so many things have been going on in my life. I am officially jobless since last Friday because Bella and I decided to take a loooong break before entering the university soon insyaAllah. If there won’t be any difficulties/hindrances whatnot (God forbids!), we will be living a new life when June arrives. Talking about time huh?

You’re not a girl anymore and not yet a lady. So you are a GIRDY ey? Sheesh!

18 is a big number. A big thing going on in this Amalina’s life because she has never thought  of  reaching this number before. Never thought of ending her SPM with a grin on her face, never thought of  having a driving license, never even thought of working as a ‘maid’ in a kindergarten. And now, I am jobless again. Thought of occupying my time with reading, doing the chores and stuffs.

And you know what? Lepas SPM ni, ingatkan dapat lah nak update blog once a week for the sake of being able to reminisce my free time ke apa tapi yeah God knows best, internet di rumah tidak ada. Jadinya, kalau nak turn on the laptop ni pun hanyalah untuk transfer lagu ke dalam MP3 dan dan.... hmm itu sahaja lah. Oh yes, Cuma satu je, if it wasn’t for accompanying Izzah to use the internet at AEON, ntah ntah lepas internet tak ada ni, memang aku tak go online pun. Unless duit dalam phone ada lebih sikit dan aku rajin nak guna internet dalam phone just to check my muka buku dan burung biru (ugh!).

If people ask me “So sekarang duduk rumah je lah ye?”, my answer would be “Yes” and yes alone. While the time’s here, I think that I should make the most of it by spending my time with the family. Money can wait. Family comes first.

Lately, I noticed that I talk with ibu more often than before. I mean, really talk as in listening to her stories and she listening to mine. I didn’t do that much when I had other commitments as in studying for the sake of the 2 big exams before. Yeah I know, I was just a secondary school student who doesn’t deserve to whine because I didn’t have enough time before or rather I didn’t make use of the time properly. But that’s what happened. I didn’t talk much to ibu as I do now. And I am proud of that, having a mother whom I can turn to, whom I can laugh at (yeah, I do laugh at my ibu okay? For her sense of humour that could never be inherited by me!), whom I can ramble with, whom I can tell my dreams. So, basically, post-SPM life is to be devoted to my family for the time will disappear once I start studying -> working -> married to someone -> having kids. Okay those last two things are to be ignored.  Ini namanya tempias baca buku ‘Sebelum Aku Bernikah’. Sesungguhnya, saya hanya bergurau tentang dua perancangan itu wahai diri.

Knowing the fact that Along is now in his second semester makes me gaped at myself. Rasa macam baru je Along dapat result SPM semalam. Aku still ingat aku pergi turun jumpa dia kat sebelah koperasi tu nak tahu pasal result dia. Still ingat aku tolong dia apply universiti tahun lepas sama-sama, then aku yang excited lebih bila dapat tahu yang abang aku yang seorang tu akhirnya dapat juga futher studies dalam bidang yang dia nak sangat. Ingat lagi rasa kalut pergi photostat itu ini untuk dia punya temuduga kat universiti yang kat situ.

Along, I miss you! Though knowing me, I won’t tell you that I miss you secara berdepan. Dalam mesej berani lah, sebab saya dilahirkan dalam keluarga yang anak perempuannya seorang which is saya lah tu, yang dilindungi oleh seorang ayah, seorang ibu, seorang abang dan 3 orang adik lelaki yang kacak belaka (hahahah sangat lah handsome). Dan lelaki, fitrahnya lebih relaks kalau nak dibandingkan dengan jantina yang lagi satu. Makanya, saya merasakan bahawa saya ini lebih menyimpan mungkin? Silent gestures yang saya buat itu semuanya tunjuk yang saya sayang awak lah tu.

Even dengan ibu pun aku tak berani nak cakap depan-depan yang aku rindu. Nak cakap dengan kawan tu pun aku fikir dua tiga kali juga lah. Kecuali dengan Azra, mungkin aku rasa selesa nak cakap. Atau dengan yang betul rapat.

Haaa okay, we are way menyimpang daripada main point of the post kan? Aku pun dah tak tau apa yang aku nak tulis sebenarnya.

Oh ye.

So now, I have passed a phase which will elevate me to another level of life.  But this doesn’t mean that I am prepared for the rest of the story, definitely.

Ha ingat lagi, bila aku cakap kat ibu tapi seriously this was intended as an innocent joke, “Tak apa lah kalau angah nak keluar tak bagitau ayah pun, angah dah 18 la buuu.” Ibu cakap yang kalau aku dah umur 30 pun, tapi kalau still single, aku ni tanggungjawab ayah juga. And my response to that answer was? Gulping dua tiga kali. Aku fikir lah balik yang kerja seorang ayah atau ibu bapa ni bukannya senang macam petik jari je. So, I really have to take care of myself, obeying them is a must, guarding myself from doing the bad things is another one thing.

Anyway, I just got back from having a lunch date with my beloved Madam Azamima just because I forced her to show me all of her photographs when she was in UK, studying TESOL. I only got the chance to see 3 out of I-don’t-know-how-many albums she brought along. Best sungguh! Macam-macam negara teacher dapat pergi.

Dan aku tak malu nak mengaku yang sebab aku nak pergi ke sana pun kerana teacher. Sebab aku inspired by her. Tak salah kalau kita nak ada cita-cita yang nampak mustahil tapi sebenarnya tidak, betul? Aku percaya yang itu tak salah tapi aku kena redha je lah bila aku dapat tahu later in life yang cita-cita aku yang satu tu tak dapat aku capai sebab itu, sebab ini. Allah ada simpan some other things yang better for me daripada apa yang aku hajati sangat tu. Boleh jadi perkara yang aku suka itu tak baik untuk aku dan yang aku benci itu baik untuk aku.

To end my lengthy speech today, I pray to Allah for Him to grant me my wishes if they are the best things for me and for Him to replace the things that I will not get with much better ‘gifts’ in the future, insyaAllah.

Peace be upon you.

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