Her Waffles with Sprinkles and Cream

Manchester Central Library, May 2016 (acah acah pre-exam visit) People have such strange relationships with libraries. Some would really enjoy the refreshing scent coming from those old thick dusty pages while some would simply fall asleep due to the deafening silence of this sanctuary. Strange; how silence can easily bring about so much loudness that you really can't stand being in there. It will always make you feel like an outcast. Truly, these places are not bad at all. It's just that we define peace and 'home' differently, I guess? Finishing a tub of Haagen Dazs' Pralines n Cream in an hour might not be your translation of home but maybe it is for others. Being surrounded by determined people who sit at the same spot in AG finishing their revision may just keep you motivated but not for those who find this downright intimidating. However weird this may be, just be at those places that can keep you going; that can remind you of 'home'. Because w...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Stepping into a new journey in a new place of a foreign land feels rather strange and terrifying. What more with the fact that you are far far away from home which has all the luxuries of life that you have treasured all this while. Living here without your family is difficult and to cope with the unpredictable weather is a whole different story. I remember the first few days after my arrival in the UK that I found it super difficult to even smile at the wonderful scenery that greeted me here. It was all because of the longing to be in my mother's warm embrace under the hot sun of Malaysia again. HA HA YOU WISH! There's no such thing as a U-turn now for I ought to take the route straight ahead to get to the finish line in time. After all, this is what I've been asking from Allah, yes?   Fa biayyi ala'i Rabbikuma tukazziban. Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny? Alhamdulillah that God sends me Aini to make me feel at home...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Alhamdulillah. Miracles after miracles surprise me now and I am starting to fathom more about the perfect life arrangements Allah has given me. It's true what Ustaz Zul told us last June that every thing has been calculated by Him in order for us to be this , at this time, at this place. We're talking about fate here and never mess with it, ever. I am lost for words as I know that I shall not be able to describe His Mercy upon me in the best manner. So allow me to summarise in a way of conveying (dry) information. InsyaAllah, I'll be pursuing my undergraduate degree in Linguistics at the University of Manchester starting this September. This is all due to Him for I know I don't deserve all this Kindness from the One who knows me all too well; my good and my bad. Semoga Allah redha, amin.                         

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. I am in the middle of exam month and I just need some space to fill this blank white box with dancing alphabets. So yeah, let's talk about Sociology. First and foremost, I'd like to express my utter gratitude upon the chance that Allah gives for me to spend my two years studying here - bumi berkat KMS. This place has taught me 1001 (and more) lessons of life that I shall not forget and maybe I can say that being inspired by the people and the lessons learnt that I am able to mentally produce a life-survival kit? Learning Sociology as one of the subjects to pass our A-Levels here is one blessing that I am thankful for. Initially, I couldn't understand any of the arguments being forwarded by the sociologists, what more with the ever-so-sophisticated English words in the textbooks. It was just difficult to totally grasp what we were learning during the first semester. However, from time to time, I began to gain more understanding of ...

Bismillah. Post-Pure Mathematics 1 trial paper @ 10.15 am, Lecture Theatre 8; Kolej MARA Seremban Gambar asal curi dari FB senior & customised to be this mwehehe A few more days to permanently leave KMS & I long to know of the feeling that I should have right here, right now. For to finish our A-level studies is the most awaited moment all this while but to take off from this land is a huge reluctance for my soul, currently. Never have I imagined to be changed by a place, what more to (unbelievably) be reaching the age of 20 at this level. A level in which I have met so many beautiful people; inside and out, keeping so many precious emotions, tested with countless heartbreaks and joyful moments - and yet, He keeps me strong (lah sangat?), still. The years that have gone away were the past that did not leave that sweet pang I crave for all this while. But luckily, I discover that kind of pang here; topped with strawberries and chocolate syrup. Can I list...

Bismillah. When it comes to the tasks that we ought to carry out ourselves, we tend to forget the Divine Power that may and may not let the outcome to happen - as expected, no? We rely too much on our so-called efforts that we neglect His say in our life. Okay, maybe the pronoun that I used is rather incorrect. Replace the word 'we' with I then. Hence, I admit that I do this sometimes (or is it most of the time? Gulps). It is as if I simply forget the way to really put my heart into the prayers that I make. What Allah says in the Quran is true then that humans will normally become forgetful of the vows that we create once the prayers are answered. Ungrateful, we are. Therefore, the ayahs in the picture are merely to remind myself that I must not forget. I must not forget to pray wholeheartedly. Beg if I must. Yes, begging is more like it. La yukalli fullahu nafsan illa wus'aha . You must remember Amal, remember that when you feel troubled, He's there - will alw...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. When I told myself that it won't really matter if I got excellent results or not as Allah knows what's best, I truly had no idea of how failure would affect my emotions, my faith. As He has always given me the ease in almost everything that I do in life so far, I never had the chance of experiencing the real feeling of frustration. Yes, never. So when I laid my eyes on my laptop screen the other day, I felt numb. The not so beautiful grades that danced before me froze the time. Everything came to a halt. I remember that when my room-mate asked about the results, I just smiled and said "Alhamdulillah, tapi tak ada A pun..". I couldn't believe my eyes that I expected for at least an A to pop out and replace its friends that bugged my view at that time. I just walked out of the room, holding the phone in my hands and started to dial ayah's number. I immediately broke the news to ayah that I have to re-sit for all papers next June...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. We had mentor mentee session this evening and the discussion was mainly about our final exam results for the 1st semester. I admit that we did quite badly and that we didn't make full use of the potential that we already have within ourselves. Hence, the consequences - bad grades. Miss Nina is my mentor and she's very dear to us. In fact, deep in my heart, I have regarded her as my 'mother'. Well, every female teacher who teaches me here is indeed my other mother. I just love them. Ehem, okay I digress. The first day of our 2nd semester brought painful memories - being warned by the teachers that if we stay the same 'us', we might not fly at the end of A-level. Can you imagine how hurtful is that? To hear a heavy statement coming from the teachers themselves. My heart was crushed - our hearts were rushed, to pieces. The results are as if telling everybody that we didn't learn anything since we came here. Yes, it is THAT seri...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. How college life is treating me so far, you ask? I don't know how to answer that question for it's quite subjective you see. There are two sides of a coin but my life has more than that. Getting 11 points for the final exam for the 1st semester is quite surprising (but alhamdulillah in a good way) because I thought it would be easy peasy to get full points. Ha. Ha. You wish! Ironically for TESL & Linguistic students of KMS, it would be quite impossible to get an A for English even though that's the core subject that we'll be pursuing in the university soon. My English teacher even said that people prefer Mathematics than language because of the complexity of this field. *sigh* When I was in high school, I thought English was the easiest thing to do (no, bukan berniat untuk riak) if compared to other subjects. English has always been fun, the teachers are always bizarrely good and that makes me love English more. Biology needs me to re...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. We are human beings. An-Nas, even the Arabic word of humankind is derived from (& have the same meaning of) 'forget'. Being forgetful is the fitrah, an element that cannot be taken away from a normal human. It's a norm to be forgetful but surely we cannot blame this trait as the factor of leading us astray from our Creator. Every morning when we wake up, we have been reminded by Allah that only with the power of His command that we are able to regain the consciousness, to continue living. But let's ask this question to ourselves, is every act that we do in our life based upon Him? Do we study, do we eat, do we walk etc etc etc merely for the sake of obtaining His redha? A sister came to our residence and Allah is so kind that He made the sister talked about studying lillahi. For your information, next Monday marks the start of our semester exam (before the one-month-semester-break yahoooo) and this week is the final week for us to do...

The intention of writing in this blog has always been here since I didn't practise my writing a lot nowadays. Alas, the procrastination often barged in and said to me that I could do a lot of other things instead of spending my time here. But well, now, here I am, writing again due to the stories that I must tell. Alhamdulillah, I'm finally offered to pursue my A-Level in Kolej MARA Seremban (after days of waiting impatiently). I am only a few more steps away of getting what I really want, insyaAllah! Today is 28th June and I am supposed to register next Wednesday. I haven't bought most of the things that I'm going to need for college yet and this TERRIFIES me very greatly. I too haven't gone to the hospital for the medical check-up (due to the fact that the official offer letter is not out yet) plus the big  brown luggage that we bought from SOGO is not yet filled with the clothes and God knows what else. Shortly, I am still not prepared for the big d...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Post-SPM life is quite uneventful. This wasn't the idea that I had on my mind before I took the exam though. Nonetheless, this is the only spare time for me to really enjoy real long vacation at home before pursuing my dreams to be a better me in the future. Therefore, I must make full use of the time left (before crying my heart out once I'm in the university soon hihi). After doing some research on what would I face if I were to study TESL or Linguistic later on, I finally realize that to succeed is a very tough thing to do. People nowadays have the notion that only Science courses are difficult and challenging, neglecting the fact that Arts has its own challenges as well. To tell you the truth, I have also been injected with that particular notion. I often think that to take up TESL is my way of escaping the hard times that I'm gonna have to deal with if I were to study pharmacy, medicine, dentistry, engineering (just to name a few) etc. B...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. *the internet is very slow and I really don't know whether this post will be published or not* I've applied for MARA's Program Pelajar Cemerlang; Ijazah Luar Negara last month and the result has been announced last week. Alhamdulillah, I'm offered to have an interview session in Kolej Poly-Tech MARA Bangi tomorrow (yes, it's tomorrow Amal, like seriously!). Concerning myself as a 'right-brain dominant', I opted for Linguistic instead of Biotechnology like what I've told some people before. The idea of taking up Biotechnology came when I surfed INTEC Shah Alam's website. I really want to further my studies overseas since I was 15 and Biotechnology sounded interesting to me as I have fallen in love with Biology after taking up Science stream in 2011 (and the fact that I would be sent to USA is another co-factor). Cerita selingan; *After being warned by certain teachers that I would never last a day in the Arts class...

Bismillah. I've read this one quote before, Love him , he'll break your heart. Love Him and this dunya can't tear you apart. True, indeed. When we put our love towards people (manusia, not exactly the male species or the opposite gender in this case), we must be prepared of getting disappointed because men are created with flaws. This means, each and everyone of us is not perfect. Will never be perfect in any way. And again, as quoted from somebody over the social media, We cannot place our happiness in someone else's hand because once they're gone, so is our happiness. The One who deserves our unconditional love is Him, the One who puts the love into our hearts at the first place. Dia yang boleh memberi rasa sayang dan yang boleh mengambil kembali rasa sayang itu. Maka, sebelum sayang orang lain, kena lah sayang Allah dahulu, ye Amal sayang? My principle back then when I was in Form 1 (ini pun kes sebab kena letak kata-kata yang kena tampal pada loke...

Pesan cikgu kami tadi, "Don't ever stop praying (termasuk lah doa & solat hajat) for your success." Cikgu, I'll remember this. Thank you for the insight. I am pretty sure that this one will go straight into my heart, cause what you told us was all true.  Tiada yang benar melainkan yang benar belaka. And I daresay that it's all up to us now. Whether to take this opportunity for granted or make something out of it.  13 days to go, for the biggest days in my life so far.  This chance will only come once in a blue moon. Take it or leave it, dear. Ignore the distractions please? Because you're worth it, because you have a lot of things that is way more important than the stuff that makes you cry sejak kebelakangan ini,  Allah loves you, seriously. Otherwise, He won't choose you to bear all this. Of all the people, He sees you, He knows that you can take control of your life despite all the problems you're facing now.  Sek...

7As 3Cs, alhamdulillah, tiada E dalam result. Cs for: Physics Additional Mathematics Chemistry I cannot be an engineer ey? Nampak sangat, tidak boleh. Haha, siapa kata aku nak jadi jurutera? Tolong la. But but but, the people keep on telling me to be a doctor. Seriously? Saya kesian kat patients saya nanti, dapat doctor yang tak nak jadi doctor pun. So, tak apa lah, kita tengok macam mana nanti ye? Semoga apa yang diberikan oleh-Nya dapat aku terima dengan redha, amin.

Bismillah. It has been quite a long time since the last post which was during the exam week, ey? Oh, now that I have mentioned the exam, I want to tell you that I am quite happy that my grades are improving. But of course, still, I couldn't get the 10As like I've always craved for. Blame the last minute study anyways. Alhamdulillah for the late night text I got from a loved one who was willing to wake me up. Otherwise, I won't be getting the whoaaah result (it's a whoaaah for me, sebab sebelum ni tak pernah dapat sebegitu rupa). Alhamdulillah for the photographic memory that I have and for these eyes which faithfully accompanied me through the shivering mornings. I am now not ashamed of myself because I did put 85% of my effort on this exam and I got what I deserve. Kalau put 110%, dapat la 10As kan? So, result tu, nanti la bagitau, sebab tak dapat yang penuh lagi. It sure is not something to be proud of for a supposedly pure science student like me, but yeah,...

I feel like Allah is trying to tell me that He loves me, no matter what. No matter how stubborn I am, no matter how bad I've treated myself so far. Mungkin sebab kalau aku ni, cara untuk ditegur adalah dengan diberikan benda yang aku rasa yang I don't deserve, kot? Macam apa yang aku dapat hari ni. Seronoknyaaa. Rasa urusan aku dipermudahkan je sekarang ni. Walaupun usaha untuk ke arah dapat A tu tak nampak dengan jelas, Allah buat aku senang digest benda yang aku baca. Ain't that a good sign, baby? Sebab aku rasa sangat bersyukur sebab orang yang Allah bagi kesedaran untuk study awal-awal tak dapat memori yang macam aku. Alhamdulillah. Cuma nak bagitau kat diri sendiri yang sebenarnya awak tu beruntung sangat-sangat. Dapat nikmat ilmu yang mudah difahami tu. Walaupun memang tak confirm aku boleh dapat 100%, atau dapat gred A dalam keputusan nanti, aku dah bagitahu diri aku sendiri, aku tak boleh putus asa selagi belum mencuba. Kalau hendak seribu daya, tak hendak s...

Sometimes, when it's so hard that you feel like breaking apart, you just have to remind yourself that there are more people who suffer harder challenges in life than you do. . Allah still loves me I guess, that He doesn't allow me to give up on this one subject that I am taking at school. This morning, my teacher called me and asked me to sit in front of her. She noticed that I left so many questions unanswered whilst they should be answered, for the sake of my well-being (hahahaa). Yes, I've made a statement that I hate the subject that I want to ignore it. And now, I regret of what I've told myself, really. :( Mmm, bad bad Amal ey?  I never thought that Allah would show me the signal that I still have the chance to better myself in anything. And the scene of my teacher calling me to ask me to solve the questions in front of her is one of the signs that I can't give up on anything, especially myself . I don't know, this seems pretty normal-and-not-int...