Fate
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
When I told myself that it won't really matter if I got excellent results or not as Allah knows what's best, I truly had no idea of how failure would affect my emotions, my faith. As He has always given me the ease in almost everything that I do in life so far, I never had the chance of experiencing the real feeling of frustration. Yes, never.
So when I laid my eyes on my laptop screen the other day, I felt numb. The not so beautiful grades that danced before me froze the time. Everything came to a halt. I remember that when my room-mate asked about the results, I just smiled and said "Alhamdulillah, tapi tak ada A pun..".
I couldn't believe my eyes that I expected for at least an A to pop out and replace its friends that bugged my view at that time.
I just walked out of the room, holding the phone in my hands and started to dial ayah's number. I immediately broke the news to ayah that I have to re-sit for all papers next June and I really am unsure of my capabilities of doing this all over again.
When ayah passed the phone to ibu, I could no longer hold my tears that I cried, as hard as I could.. I felt as if not only have I disappointed myself but I have also crushed their dream of receiving good news from my mouth.
My days were pitch black for 2 days. I felt ashamed of myself. I kept on asking why did Allah do that to me. Why didn't He grant me the happiness that I seek all this while. Why and why and why.
But at one point, I talked to myself,
"Ingat tak apa yang kau mintak daripada Allah selama ni? Kau selalu doa mintak Allah bagi yang terbaik, keputusan exam yang akan buat kau selalu ingat kat Dia..kan? So, sekarang ni kenapa kau nak marah Allah sebab bagi result yang macam ni? Kau nak deny kuasa Allah bagi yang terbaik untuk kau ke?"
At that very moment I realised of how ungrateful I was towards Him.
To walk the talk is definitely not an easy thing to do. You won't feel the true meaning of tawakkal if you haven't been put in situation where none of your plans works but His plans do.
Now that I know I am at fault, I need not to say that I will study abroad no matter what before putting Him first before every decision that I'm going to make,before every word that I'm going to say.
Berserah itu bukan mudah. Tapi Allah kan ada? Jangan risau lah.
When I told myself that it won't really matter if I got excellent results or not as Allah knows what's best, I truly had no idea of how failure would affect my emotions, my faith. As He has always given me the ease in almost everything that I do in life so far, I never had the chance of experiencing the real feeling of frustration. Yes, never.
So when I laid my eyes on my laptop screen the other day, I felt numb. The not so beautiful grades that danced before me froze the time. Everything came to a halt. I remember that when my room-mate asked about the results, I just smiled and said "Alhamdulillah, tapi tak ada A pun..".
I couldn't believe my eyes that I expected for at least an A to pop out and replace its friends that bugged my view at that time.
I just walked out of the room, holding the phone in my hands and started to dial ayah's number. I immediately broke the news to ayah that I have to re-sit for all papers next June and I really am unsure of my capabilities of doing this all over again.
When ayah passed the phone to ibu, I could no longer hold my tears that I cried, as hard as I could.. I felt as if not only have I disappointed myself but I have also crushed their dream of receiving good news from my mouth.
My days were pitch black for 2 days. I felt ashamed of myself. I kept on asking why did Allah do that to me. Why didn't He grant me the happiness that I seek all this while. Why and why and why.
But at one point, I talked to myself,
"Ingat tak apa yang kau mintak daripada Allah selama ni? Kau selalu doa mintak Allah bagi yang terbaik, keputusan exam yang akan buat kau selalu ingat kat Dia..kan? So, sekarang ni kenapa kau nak marah Allah sebab bagi result yang macam ni? Kau nak deny kuasa Allah bagi yang terbaik untuk kau ke?"
At that very moment I realised of how ungrateful I was towards Him.
To walk the talk is definitely not an easy thing to do. You won't feel the true meaning of tawakkal if you haven't been put in situation where none of your plans works but His plans do.
Now that I know I am at fault, I need not to say that I will study abroad no matter what before putting Him first before every decision that I'm going to make,before every word that I'm going to say.
Berserah itu bukan mudah. Tapi Allah kan ada? Jangan risau lah.
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