Her Waffles with Sprinkles and Cream

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Alhamdulillah. Miracles after miracles surprise me now and I am starting to fathom more about the perfect life arrangements Allah has given me. It's true what Ustaz Zul told us last June that every thing has been calculated by Him in order for us to be this , at this time, at this place. We're talking about fate here and never mess with it, ever. I am lost for words as I know that I shall not be able to describe His Mercy upon me in the best manner. So allow me to summarise in a way of conveying (dry) information. InsyaAllah, I'll be pursuing my undergraduate degree in Linguistics at the University of Manchester starting this September. This is all due to Him for I know I don't deserve all this Kindness from the One who knows me all too well; my good and my bad. Semoga Allah redha, amin.                         

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. When I told myself that it won't really matter if I got excellent results or not as Allah knows what's best, I truly had no idea of how failure would affect my emotions, my faith. As He has always given me the ease in almost everything that I do in life so far, I never had the chance of experiencing the real feeling of frustration. Yes, never. So when I laid my eyes on my laptop screen the other day, I felt numb. The not so beautiful grades that danced before me froze the time. Everything came to a halt. I remember that when my room-mate asked about the results, I just smiled and said "Alhamdulillah, tapi tak ada A pun..". I couldn't believe my eyes that I expected for at least an A to pop out and replace its friends that bugged my view at that time. I just walked out of the room, holding the phone in my hands and started to dial ayah's number. I immediately broke the news to ayah that I have to re-sit for all papers next June...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. At times of ease, I always tell myself that if I were to face harsh times, I must be fully prepared for the worst. It is as if I can maintain my composure when dealing with difficulties. That was what I thought and yet, I could not even hold my tears when hearing a news that broke my heart. We can easily ask people to do this and that, whilst we are the one who'd be struggling to practise what we preached. Allah is merely testing me on this one thing that I've always asked from Him - to make my heart feels resigned if things don't go the way I want them to be. It's actually hard to be patient, it's difficult to not get disappointed if we have already put high hopes in something that we really really really want to happen. I must admit that I have a problem dealing with my own heart, especially jealousy (I silently pray that it is not going to transform me into a girl with hasad). I don't want to stay the same me, I want to be mo...

The intention of writing in this blog has always been here since I didn't practise my writing a lot nowadays. Alas, the procrastination often barged in and said to me that I could do a lot of other things instead of spending my time here. But well, now, here I am, writing again due to the stories that I must tell. Alhamdulillah, I'm finally offered to pursue my A-Level in Kolej MARA Seremban (after days of waiting impatiently). I am only a few more steps away of getting what I really want, insyaAllah! Today is 28th June and I am supposed to register next Wednesday. I haven't bought most of the things that I'm going to need for college yet and this TERRIFIES me very greatly. I too haven't gone to the hospital for the medical check-up (due to the fact that the official offer letter is not out yet) plus the big  brown luggage that we bought from SOGO is not yet filled with the clothes and God knows what else. Shortly, I am still not prepared for the big d...

Start_1933_17032013 Bismillah. Only Allah knows how nervous I am lately. Only He, who knows how difficult it is for me to sleep at night these days. This is all happening because of the announcement that the Ministry of Education made last Friday regarding the SPM 2012 result which will be out this Thurday, 21 st March 2013. Phew *mengelap peluh* I wasn’t 100%  prepared for the SPM which I had taken November last year. Truth to be told, I only made the revisions for each subjects exactly 3 to 4 days before the day of the exam. Some of the subjects yang aku dah macam konon ‘confident’ with myself tu, mungkin boleh kata 2-3 days before the exam itself kot. Wallahu’alam. Allah sahaja yang tahu betapa degilnya aku yang sungguh berat tulang untuk belajar elok-elok untuk satu peperiksaan besar yang boleh dikatakan penentu masa depan aku kelak. This is surely not a ‘I’m-proud-of-myself-for-having-the-guts-to-do-a-suicidal-attempt-of-flunking-my-own-papers’ confession or a...

I don't quite comprehend myself you see. When it's actually the time to concentrate on studies and such, I deliberately flee on this la la land, finding solace within myself by pampering these eyes of mine by reading cool blogs or pampering the fingers by typing out my brain, here. Bila tak ada exam yang macam dekat ya amat sebelum ni, tak pulak macam ni. Allah. Aku tak tau apa nak jadi dengan aku ni. I should really make a list of things that I can and cannot do as SPM is just a few days away for myself ey? I really should, seriously. Tak sure lagi, whether or not this post will be the last writing of mine before the big exam. Macam tak dapat nak janji je, sebab of course la during the break within the exam week itself, nak update on the paper progress ke, how am I doing so far ke, anything la. Saje nak cari escape or emergency exit so that tak brain-dead nanti. I just pray that Allah will make things easy for me. The health, the studies, the precious precious time, ...

Lately, I am having some kind of moods battle in here. At times I am on top of the world, and sometimes I'd be buried deeply inside the ground till nobody can hear me yelling to get some help, but Him :') Oh yes, I can only say that I am truly grateful because I am one of the people that He chose to just have the faith that no matter what, (come hell or high water) He'll always be here for me. For sure, nobody can beat Him in making me spellbound. Bukanlah baru tersedar pasal fakta yang satu tu, tapi saya ni mudah sangat lupa. Dan bila terjadi satu-satu kejadian yang sampai boleh buat rasa tak senang di dalam, baru perasan, yang saya tak ada best friend nak confide in, tak ada boyfriend (errrrr) nak bercerita, tak ada orang yang saya rasa boleh baca fikiran saya; pokoknya tak ada sesiapa yang boleh bagi reply yang macam saya inginkan (yes, I am demanding). Of course ada ibu yang memang tersangat faham anak perempuan dia yang satu ni, tapi, masih ada keseganan dalam diri...

I still keep the cute lil notes given to me by the Form 5 sisters at that time (Form 1: 2008: KUSESS). Having known the fact that I might not have the chance to meet them again in the future, I gave them 'bunga plastik' with some candies as they had been so nice to me as kakak pantun back then. Didn't expect to be that close anyway. Oh yes, I surely miss them. And there is this one note given by Kak Mira which I like the most (not that I don't like the others' but her message in it that makes me want to cry right here right now). Oh, yes, I remember that the changing notes session was during Ramadhan/Raya that year. Eh, kejap eh, want to go get the note kejap.  * To:  AMALINA Selamat Hari Raya ~wish you Slamat Ari Raye ~ enjoy la raye sepuas2 nyer sblm awak jd F5 ~good luck 4 ur future undertakings ~exam nnt wat btul2 ~kte minta maaf klu ade slah silap ~GO 4 PANTUN!! Yours sincerely, Kak Mira * The bold one makes me wa...

*luahan perasaan aku yang emosional, jangan tanya apa-apa* Despite the fact that I still have to take 4 more papers for 2 subjects tomorrow and the day after it, I still am here, trying to fill this box with some unimportant thoughts of mine. I am tired. I know that I shouldn't be feeling all this, but I am a mere human. I also have to undergo 'downs' phases in life, okay? Yes, I am currently in that phase, RIGHT NOW! I might look normal outside, I might present to you the sweetest smile I can carve on this face, but be sure to not to be fooled by all those beautiful things I show to you. I might all be lying, just to hide that ugly side of me. We don't want our loved ones to get affected with our bad days, true? Hmm, but it's bad jugak kan, tipu orang macam tu? Sekarang ni tengah exam, takkan nak bagi orang tension pasal kita pulak. Biarlah tension sorang-sorang. Allah ada, always. It's true what they say about being a teenager is the hardest cha...