Her Waffle

Bismillah. Even though the clock says it's already 1:50 am, I cannot shut my eyes. The mind keeps on playing the possible things that might occur soon; especially of tomorrow and the nearing June. 20th May huh? Ya Allah... Rasa macam baru je lagi habis SPM. Tup tup dah kena prepare untuk sambung belajar eh? Memang dunia ni dah mendekati pengakhirannya....sangat.  I am offered to spend my 1 year doing Asasi TESL in UiTM Kampus Kuantan but this heart is hoping to be offered to study in Kolej MARA Seremban. I will (insyaAllah) know about the path that Allah has decided for me to take after the clock strikes 5pm and that will be another 15 hours of waiting anxiously. Nonetheless, it will be a worthwhile wait; even if it carries a bad news for me. This is because, the 'kononnya bad news' would be the best path which Allah has decreed for me. ..But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah know...

Keputusan yang dinanti, ditunda katanya. Niat di hati nak skip interview yang di Lembah Pantai sana,  jika pukul 5 hari ni dapat berita baik di mata.  Nampaknya, perlu ke sana juga lah ya? Walaupun terasa malas sebenarnya.  *mengeluh* Tapi, Allah mesti tahu mengapa. Untuk kasi aku peluang doa sebanyak-banyaknya! Harapnya, ini petanda baik lah ya. Kena jadi sabar belaka. Kalau tak dapat yang ini, Allah tahu baik itu yang mana. Semoga tabah, wahai saya!

She didn't agree with my wish of pursuing my studies abroad when I first told her about it. She just knew (and still knows) that I wouldn't bear living thousands of kilometers away from the family, especially her. You're right ibu, I would never stand living so far away from you. Nonetheless, if I were to study here in Malaysia, I would still feel homesick anyway. It is of no difference; whether living in the UK (haaaaa insyaAllah kalau dapat good news esok!) or here. I will still be the 'homesick me'. * I was once wounded by the words of a very significant person in my life, he told me that he didn't want me to turn into a 'bad me' if I were to study at the other side of the Earth. Ibu was the one who consoled me, telling me that he just didn't understand the (burning) desire in my heart to go there. ''Risaukan angah, sebab tu ..... cakap macam tu.'' I couldn't say anything good at that time (because my brain was so f...