Contemplation
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Oh well, as always. I am not your frequent visitor anymore ey? If you're a person, you must be mad at me for not saying hi for so long kan? Disappeared for months and suddenly emerge out of the blue to confide in you. So, I am sorry for not updating. But truthfully, I miss you; I miss pouring my heart out here. Because you're a mere blank white page which doesn't judge me at all. You're a loyal listener and definitely a faithful friend of mine.
Sooo, to make up for my long hiatus, this particular entry is gonna be a whimsical one because I just want to update, update and update. And maybe write some thoughts about life, in general.
-
Final year at university has been quite errmm how do I say ehh..not so hectic - but it's just me not balancing my time well and keep on doing work at the very last minute meh... But alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal, winter exam just ended last Monday - for me. We're starting our FINAL SEMESTER next week Allahu Allah. Rasa nak nangis sangat. Sebab tak sangka, betapa jauh Allah dah bawak diri aku sampai hari ni.
I still remember the anxiety of boarding the flight here (Manchester) - my first flight evahhh I tell you - from KL. Not used to the weather, being excited about the weather, complaining about the weather (astaghfirullah), awed by the change of seasons mashaAllah and simply just loving life alhamdulillah. All in all, it has been a wonderful journey - wonderfully indescribable lah haa macam tu.
I get to learn a lot things too: emotional management, being more mature, relying on Allah solely - just to mention a few. How I wish I can have an actual physical video recordings of 3 years living here because I know that at some point in the future, my future old self is gonna need to recall all of the beautiful memories here to be more thankful and more grateful to Allah. The One who has never stopped being Kind from day zero. I wouldn't change a thing because Allah makes me see the hikmah He keeps for me. Thank You, Allahu Ya Hakeem.
One thing that I'd like to mention is I start to notice that I might have lost the zeal to travel to exciting new places now, apparently? I guess that it must be because that I am currently saving up for the future use: perhaps for my parents if they can come here for graduation insyaAllah or just to provide myself the financial buoy once I'm no longer being sponsored as a student. I am trying my best to set my priorities right here, i.e., to do less travelling and save the money for future use. InsyaAllah, moga Allah berkati perjalanan kehidupan yang penuh dengan kejutan ini Allahumma amin.
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Thinking about the uncertain future will then tire us, you see? Fretting over the question "are we gonna make it?" which only Allah has the answer(s) to. We can't help but to keep on questioning. Being the curious human beings, we want a certain answer for the uncertain future. Isn't that an irony? But then again, it's not wrong to plan for the better, because Allah loves those who are commited in living their life. As long as the planning process is directed at serving Him in the best way possible; I believe it's definitely the right way to do it, innit? Living this life in a good way just to get the best life there in return, that's one real love story there!
So I am learning how to be more and more accepting, being redha with wherever life may lead me. Not saying that I'm not holding the steering wheel okay. Instead, it's about having a total trust in Allah, al-Bari'.
Once we have planted this trust firmly in our hearts, we need to be ready to get disappointed. Because the nature of this life - being a testing ground - is about frills and fluffs with thorns and wounds. It ain't gonna be all sunshine and that's one tough thing we need to acknowledge. Lamenting our inability to change the circumstances will not do anything, AT ALL. It'll just mess with our head (and heart) even more if we don't remind ourselves that Allah knows what He's doing. We need to put on the rose-tinted glasses now, seeing everything with wisdom. Learning to be broken in order to be mended again and again.
And that's gonna be the best feeling ever. Because you know that you are mended by God. The One who gives you your life & love too.
Oh well, as always. I am not your frequent visitor anymore ey? If you're a person, you must be mad at me for not saying hi for so long kan? Disappeared for months and suddenly emerge out of the blue to confide in you. So, I am sorry for not updating. But truthfully, I miss you; I miss pouring my heart out here. Because you're a mere blank white page which doesn't judge me at all. You're a loyal listener and definitely a faithful friend of mine.
Sooo, to make up for my long hiatus, this particular entry is gonna be a whimsical one because I just want to update, update and update. And maybe write some thoughts about life, in general.
-
Final year at university has been quite errmm how do I say ehh..not so hectic - but it's just me not balancing my time well and keep on doing work at the very last minute meh... But alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal, winter exam just ended last Monday - for me. We're starting our FINAL SEMESTER next week Allahu Allah. Rasa nak nangis sangat. Sebab tak sangka, betapa jauh Allah dah bawak diri aku sampai hari ni.
I still remember the anxiety of boarding the flight here (Manchester) - my first flight evahhh I tell you - from KL. Not used to the weather, being excited about the weather, complaining about the weather (astaghfirullah), awed by the change of seasons mashaAllah and simply just loving life alhamdulillah. All in all, it has been a wonderful journey - wonderfully indescribable lah haa macam tu.
I get to learn a lot things too: emotional management, being more mature, relying on Allah solely - just to mention a few. How I wish I can have an actual physical video recordings of 3 years living here because I know that at some point in the future, my future old self is gonna need to recall all of the beautiful memories here to be more thankful and more grateful to Allah. The One who has never stopped being Kind from day zero. I wouldn't change a thing because Allah makes me see the hikmah He keeps for me. Thank You, Allahu Ya Hakeem.
One thing that I'd like to mention is I start to notice that I might have lost the zeal to travel to exciting new places now, apparently? I guess that it must be because that I am currently saving up for the future use: perhaps for my parents if they can come here for graduation insyaAllah or just to provide myself the financial buoy once I'm no longer being sponsored as a student. I am trying my best to set my priorities right here, i.e., to do less travelling and save the money for future use. InsyaAllah, moga Allah berkati perjalanan kehidupan yang penuh dengan kejutan ini Allahumma amin.
-
Thinking about the uncertain future will then tire us, you see? Fretting over the question "are we gonna make it?" which only Allah has the answer(s) to. We can't help but to keep on questioning. Being the curious human beings, we want a certain answer for the uncertain future. Isn't that an irony? But then again, it's not wrong to plan for the better, because Allah loves those who are commited in living their life. As long as the planning process is directed at serving Him in the best way possible; I believe it's definitely the right way to do it, innit? Living this life in a good way just to get the best life there in return, that's one real love story there!
So I am learning how to be more and more accepting, being redha with wherever life may lead me. Not saying that I'm not holding the steering wheel okay. Instead, it's about having a total trust in Allah, al-Bari'.
Once we have planted this trust firmly in our hearts, we need to be ready to get disappointed. Because the nature of this life - being a testing ground - is about frills and fluffs with thorns and wounds. It ain't gonna be all sunshine and that's one tough thing we need to acknowledge. Lamenting our inability to change the circumstances will not do anything, AT ALL. It'll just mess with our head (and heart) even more if we don't remind ourselves that Allah knows what He's doing. We need to put on the rose-tinted glasses now, seeing everything with wisdom. Learning to be broken in order to be mended again and again.
And that's gonna be the best feeling ever. Because you know that you are mended by God. The One who gives you your life & love too.
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| My shadow at Whitworth Park on a beautiful autumn day, 2017 |
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